Tolkien, Friendship, and the Power of Ordinary Faithfulness

Episode snapshot
Guest: Dr. Bill Fliss (Curator, J.R.R. Tolkien Collection at Marquette University)
Big idea: Tolkien’s stories don’t just feature friendship—they depend on it (trust, freedom, forgiveness, ordinary faithfulness) as the engine that carries the quest and forms character.

Episode Summary
Dr. Fliss opens by grounding Tolkien’s work in material reality: drafts, manuscripts, and the painstaking writing process preserved at Marquette University—an archive that exists because Marquette approached Tolkien and negotiated the acquisition of some of his key manuscripts in the late 1950s.

From there, the conversation shifts to friendship as a core theme in The Lord of the Rings: it may not be Tolkien’s most explicitly “announced” theme, but it repeatedly surfaces as the relational glue of the quest and the moral contrast to the One Ring’s logic of domination. Dr. Fliss notes that fans consistently cite friendship as one of the reasons Tolkien resonates (he’s collected 1,400+ fan testimonials across 40 countries).

A major throughline is that Tolkien didn’t “program” friendship into the plot so much as it emerged organically from his own life as a result of friendships shaped by loss (including wartime friendships), trust, and shared loves (myth, language, story). The encouragement he received from fellow author and scholar C.S. Lewis is framed as a concrete example of friendship’s generativity—Fliss says Tolkien credited Lewis as essential to LOTR reaching publication.

Finally, the discussion turns practical, focusing on how although modern life trends toward disposability and replacement, Tolkien’s vision calls parents and leaders back to repair, forgiveness, and “ordinary faithfulness,” the small hands that move the world.

Show notes with timestamps (segments + key points)

• 00:31 — Welcome & framing: Friendship in Tolkien, and what it means for parents trying to help kids become good friends in a “hyper-connected but disconnected” world.
• 02:02 — Who is Dr. Fliss / Marquette Tolkien Collection: Why Marquette has Tolkien manuscripts and which of his works are in the archive (including The Hobbit, LOTR, Farmer Giles of Ham, Mr. Bliss
• 07:32 — Friendship as an “under-the-radar” central theme: Tolkien didn’t always name friendship as a theme, but it is a central guiding point that fans regularly notice.
• 08:24 — Fan testimony project: 1,400+ Tolkien fan testimonials from 40 countries; friendship repeatedly cited.
• 09:28 —Friendship wasn’t “planned” so much as it flowed from Tolkien’s values: Tolkien wasn’t primarily trying to “teach” values. Rather, they came through naturally.
• 11:58 — C.S. Lewis’s influence: Tolkien said LOTR wouldn’t have been published without Lewis and his influence was mostly through encouragement.
• 14:41 — Pairings that lead to community: Frodo/Sam, Merry/Pippin, Legolas/Gimli—their friendship expands into fellowship.
• 17:15 —Trust & vulnerability: Tolkien shares private stories with Lewis and Lewis responds with delight. Trust becomes a model for fellowship.
• 22:58 — The Ring vs friendship: The Ring’s power is domination, while friendship depends on freedom and choice; the fellowship swears no oath.
• 25:13 — Tom Bombadil as enigma: Tolkien intentionally leaves an unresolved mystery: Bombadil, who is “his own master.”
• 28:33 — Loss, war, and friendship: Tolkien’s early “fellowship” of four friends; two die in WWI; the need for friendship shapes later life.
• 31:20 — “Cooling” (not fracture) in Lewis/Tolkien friendship: Charles Williams, busyness, the surprise of Joy Davidman; yet real regard remains.
• 33:40 — Loyalty beneath the surface: Tolkien helps Lewis get a post at Cambridge; Lewis’s death hits Tolkien hard (“ax blow to the roots”).
• 35:09 — Ebb-and-flow model: Intensity → cooling → potential rekindling; love can mature without disappearing.
• 37:35 — Forgiveness as the oxygen of friendship: Friends wound each other but repair keeps friendship alive (Frodo/Sam as example).
• 44:24 — Tolkien the friend: Moving-truck anecdote highlights his warmth and approachability.
• 48:12 — Ordinary faithfulness: “Small hands” move the world; Sam was modeled on common soldiers; Shire-folk shake the wisdom of the great.
• 51:22 — Closing blessing: Friendship, love, mercy, grace as enduring gifts of these stories.

Takeaways (what listeners should remember)
Friendship is a “hidden curriculum” in Tolkien: it influences courage, perseverance, and moral clarity more than raw power does.
Power is opposite to friendship: domination coerces while friendship chooses. The fellowship’s freedom is part of Tolkien’s moral architecture.
Trust precedes transformation: Tolkien’s vulnerability with Lewis mirrors how real friendships deepen (and how communities form).
Friendships have seasons: intensity can cool without disappearing and mature friendship requires patience with life’s pressures.
Forgiveness is non-optional: both in Tolkien’s storyworld and in modern “disposable” culture, repair is what makes friendship durable.

Application for parents and ministry leaders
“Fellowship Audit” (10 minutes): Ask your kids (or small group): Which of your friends can you count on no matter what? What friends do you encourage to keep going when they are discouraged?
Teach “Ring vs Fellowship” language: Help kids spot when relationships drift toward control/manipulation vs freedom/choice.
Teach your kids how to apologize: Model apology + forgiveness with specific language (“I was wrong when I… Will you forgive me?… By God’s grace I won’t do that again.”).
Celebrate ordinary faithfulness: Praise consistency and loyalty over “flash.” Give examples and ask kids to give you an example of what this might look like.

Frameworks & definitions pulled from the episode
Framework: Ring vs Fellowship (a discipleship contrast)
Ring: power = domination (amplifies will to control).
Fellowship: power = chosen fidelity (freedom, trust, forgiveness).
Framework: Friendship that lasts (4 moves)
Vulnerability (share what matters)
Trust (receive without humiliation)
Freedom (choose, don’t coerce)
Forgiveness/Repair (don’t treat people as disposable)

Definitions (as used in the conversation)
Sub-creation: Tolkien’s idea of making a “world within a world” (secondary world-making).
Enigma (in reference to Tom Bombadil): an intentionally unexplained mystery that invites wonder without full resolution.
Ordinary faithfulness: history-moving courage and loyalty embodied by “small hands” (e.g., Sam, common soldiers).

Recommended resources mentioned or directly implied
J.R.R. Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings; The Hobbit
J.R.R. Tolkien (also at Marquette): Farmer Giles of Ham; Mr. Bliss
C.S. Lewis: The Four Loves (friendship love emphasized)
Topics for further research and discussion: The Inklings (Charles Williams; Owen Barfield), Joy Davidman, Lewis/Tolkien friendship arc

Dr. William Fliss is a Manuscripts Archivist in Marquette University’s Raynor Library, working in Archival Collections and the Institutional Repository. He holds an M.L.I.S., an M.A. in History, and a B.A. in History and Political Science from the University of Wisconsin–Milwaukee.

In his role, he curates the collection of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (1892-1973), professor of Old and Middle English language and literature at Oxford University, 1925-1959, contains the original manuscripts and multiple working drafts for three of the author’s most celebrated books, The Hobbit (1937), Farmer Giles of Ham (1949), and The Lord of the Rings (1954-1955), as well as the original copy of the children’s book Mr. Bliss (published in facsimile form in 1982). The collection includes books by and about Tolkien, periodicals produced by Tolkien enthusiasts, audio and video recordings, and a host of published and unpublished materials relating to Tolkien’s life, fantasy writings, and the fandom that sprang up around his legendarium.