How Churches Can Welcome Children with Disabilities

There is one place where families should never have to fight to belong: the church.

Families impacted by disability already fight battles most of us will never fully understand. They fight insurance companies, school systems and medical challenges. They navigate therapies, appointments and complicated decisions while struggling for opportunities for their children to learn, grow, make friends and simply participate in everyday life. But when a family walks through the doors of a church, they shouldn’t have to fight there too. They should be able to walk through those doors and know, We belong here.

I Didn’t Always See It

Twenty-nine years ago, I might not have understood how important this was. I had spent 10 years serving on a church staff as a youth pastor. I knew church life. I loved working with young people and families, and I understood the rhythms and demands of ministry. But I didn’t fully understand what it was like for a family impacted by disability to find their place in the church.

Then a little boy changed everything.

My son, Nathaniel, was born with multiple disabilities. He never walked or talked or ate by mouth. His needs were complex, and there were times when no one knew how to care for him.

Through Nathaniel, God changed the way I saw people. I began noticing the mom who quietly walked into church with her daughter, hoping someone would notice her. I began to understand what it felt like to wonder, Is there a place for my child here?

And I began to understand something else …

Disability Affects the Whole Family

When Nathaniel had medical issues or was hospitalized, our entire family’s life was affected. His sisters were affected. My husband and I were affected. Our schedules, plans and ability to participate in everyday life were affected. That’s why creating a place for a child with a disability isn’t just about creating a ministry for that child. It is about creating a place of belonging for an entire family.

When you turn away a child, you turn away a family. This is something the church must understand.

When you turn away a child with a disability, you aren’t turning away just one child. You are turning away a mom. A dad. A sibling. A grandparent.

And the impact can last far beyond one Sunday morning. Families who feel rejected by the church may begin to believe that they don’t belong there. Some may stop coming altogether. And for a family already wrestling with difficult questions about their child’s life and circumstances, a painful experience with the church can forever change the way they view the body of Christ and, tragically, even their understanding of God.

The church should never be the place that adds another wound. It should be the place that brings hope.

The Church Should Be a Place of Belonging

Jesus said, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:14). A child’s disability should never become a barrier to the Gospel. Children with disabilities need what every other child needs. They need to know they are loved. They need friendships. They need to learn about Jesus and experience the Gospel in ways that meet them right where they’re at.

But they need something deeper too. They need to belong.

There is a difference between inclusion and belonging. Inclusion says, “You can come.” Belonging says, “We are glad you’re here. You are part of us.” Belonging means a child is known by name. It means a family isn’t forgotten when they miss several Sundays. It means siblings are welcomed and embraced. It means a parent doesn’t have to apologize because their child makes noise, needs extra help or experiences the world differently. It means making room at the table.

Our Church Didn’t Have All the Answers

When Nathaniel was young, there were times when our church simply couldn’t care for him. He was too medically complex. They didn’t have the training or resources to meet all of his needs.

But our church did something incredibly important: They cared for our family.

When our son was born, members of our church organized meals for us for weeks. One church member would sit outside our home nursery window and pray for Nathaniel and our family. When I couldn’t drive our girls to church, people reached out and helped. Two women from our church offered to accompany me to doctor appointments and therapies. Hauling an oxygen tank and a 3- and 5-year-old into a doctor’s office was not easy. I didn’t need someone to fix everything. I needed someone to walk beside me. They did. They made us feel like we belonged.

While our church wasn’t able to fix Nathaniel, they loved him. And they didn’t have to know exactly how to care for him to care for us.

I didn’t need someone to fix everything. I needed someone to walk beside me. – Marie Kuck

When One Part Is Missing, We All Miss Something

The Bible describes the church as a body made up of many parts. When children with disabilities are missing from our churches, we don’t simply lose the opportunity to serve them. We lose the blessing of having them among us.

Through Nathaniel’s life, God taught me lessons that my typically developing daughters could not. Often those we believe we are serving are the very people God uses to teach us patience, compassion and perseverance. They help us celebrate what we once overlooked and remind us that every person is created in the image of God.

It Doesn’t Have to Start with a Perfect Program

One of the biggest obstacles churches face is thinking they aren’t equipped. They may say things like:

• • “We don’t have a special needs ministry.”

• • “We don’t have the training.”

• • “We don’t have enough volunteers.”

• • “We don’t know where to begin!”

But the first step isn’t creating a perfect program. The first step is creating a relationship. Start with one family. Meet with them. Listen to their story. Ask what they need. Ask what would help their child participate. Don’t assume you know the answer. Listen. Then begin working together toward a solution. Maybe it starts with one volunteer. Maybe it starts with a buddy. Maybe it means adapting a classroom or providing a quiet space.

Special needs ministry can be hard. It can be messy. It takes patience, flexibility and going the extra mile. But ministry is so much more than childcare. It gives a child a place to belong. It gives a family a place where they can worship without wondering whether they are a burden. And it allows the congregation to experience the beauty of the entire body of Christ.

I often wonder what “Jesus here and now” looks like to a family impacted by disability. Maybe it looks like someone showing up at the hospital. Maybe it looks like someone sitting with an exhausted mom. Maybe it looks like a volunteer learning how to communicate with a child who doesn’t use words. Maybe it looks like someone saying to a sibling, “You are important too.” Maybe it looks like a church member saying, “You don’t have to walk this road alone.” That’s what belonging looks like.

So let’s make room.

Let’s pull up another chair.

Let’s notice the family standing quietly at the edge.

Let’s meet them in their crisis and walk alongside them when life is hard.

Because there is one place where families should never have to fight to belong: the church.

For more on a journey to faith that lasts, check out Awana’s newly released book, From Children’s Ministry to Child Discipleship: A Journey to Faith That Lasts.