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I’ve learned a new word this year: phubbing. It doesn’t sound scientific, perhaps not even real. But actual studies are happening around this concept of phubbing, which means “snubbing the people around you in favor of giving attention to your phone.”
The most immediate image that comes to mind may be of a group of adolescents, supposedly friends, sitting together in silence while their eyes stay glued to the rectangular electronic device in their hand. But it’s not just teens. In fact, data shows that 70% of us have been on the receiving end of that interaction, or lack thereof. The sense that the person across from us is only semi-aware of our presence and would rather be in cyberspace is a phenomenon people across age groups have experienced at one time or another (or many times), since 2009.
Take this scenario. A few years ago, my wife Katie and I walked into a restaurant and noticed a little girl in a stroller. What struck me was that this little toddler, probably not even 2 years old, had full command of a smartphone bigger than her head. She was completely engrossed, swiping this way and that way with her jaw almost in her lap, completely disconnected from the reality around her.
Moments later, I watched the same scene play out at a table to our left. A family of four had their faces buried in their smartphones — father, mother, daughter and son each sitting two or three feet apart. No one was talking; no family member was even looking at the other. Their presence was fully engaged in the world of their screens.
While these are examples of the negative impacts of technology, I want to be quick to state that the digital disruption has brought a long list of positive innovations into the world, too. Social media and screens are being used to promote human flourishing and education to the underprivileged, to give a voice to people who have otherwise not had a voice, to spread the Gospel and to distribute discipleship resources, not to mention a long list of other untold advantages. For that, I am grateful. But I have to wonder: If we did a cost-benefit analysis — the positive outcomes connected with mobile devices versus what we lose in the process — which side would win?
The Hope of Relational Presence
To understand how we got here, let’s think back for a moment to Genesis 3 and the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve walked in the presence of God as they had fellowship with Him. Then came their rebellion and sin; Adam and Eve could no longer be in the presence of God. Everything changed.
Today we are experiencing the continued effects of the fall. One of those effects is how we experience “presence,” both with God and each other. We still experience the presence of God through prayer, engaging His Word, meditating on the Scriptures and through a lifetime of daily pursuing relational closeness with Him. This can only be done when we’ve developed the discipline of not being distracted into oblivion by our screens. Every generation from here on out is going to have to wrestle with this: If we don’t manage our devices, our devices will manage us.
Why is this an important insight? A person who doesn’t know how to manage their technology — whether smartphones or AI or watches — will not know how to be relationally present with other people and with God (Matthew 22:36-40).
We are experiencing a seismic disruption that’s eroding physical and relational presence. Screens are drawing us away from the presence of God and the presence of one another.
I believe, down to my bones, there is nothing more important on this planet than forming the faith of our children (Matthew 19:14; 28:18-20; Deuteronomy 6:4-9).
Biblical discipleship should be central to the mission of every church; according to Barna research digital distraction and loneliness are contributing causes to a lack of discipleship among youth. [1] When kids are distracted, they don’t spend time memorizing Scripture. Digital distraction keeps kids from praying to Jesus or simply having space to think about the vastness of God. And when parents are distracted, they don’t spend time getting in the Word with their kids at home.
As leaders in the church, you can refuse to let this be our reality — and many of you are already drawing the lines. From “cell hotels” in youth spaces to “analog sanctuaries” and pastors making the conscious effort to encourage people not to pull up Bible apps on their phone during worship, there’s a new trend bubbling up: You’re saying, This isn’t working. This isn’t who we want to become. This isn’t the future we want for our kids. And it gives me so much hope.
Change may start with leadership, but it requires engagement from people in every role and every age group.
Let’s circle up in our family living rooms and in our church conference rooms and kick off a new, hope-filled conversation. With true humility and love, let’s invite elementary-age kids, older students and their parents into the conversation and ask them to be part of solving the problem of digital distraction. You might be surprised by how much insight these kids and youth have! These are the fruitful conversations that lead your family or church to a deeper relationship with Jesus.
Conversations like this are exactly the kind of timely and practical topics we wrestle through each year at our annual Child Discipleship Forum. Will you join me online this September? Our in-person tickets sold out quickly, but we’d love for you to gather your team for the live stream and come away equipped to disciple today’s kids with biblical faithfulness and new research insights. I hope to see you there!
[1] Barna Group, “New Research on the State of Discipleship,” Barna.com, accessed August 26, 2026, https://www.barna.com/research/new-research-on-the-state-of-discipleship/.
