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Fall is all about new starts. As a dad of a new kindergartener, I’m feeling this in real time. As I write this, my wife is at Target with my daughter buying new folders, markers, tissue boxes and whatever else is on the school supply list. My daughter’s new, tie-dye backpack has been on the hook by the front door for a week, and her brand-new Moana water bottle is waiting to be filled on that first day of school. She’s also beginning a new year of dance, with a new dance teacher and new friends. So much new.
All this newness is making us ask a lot of questions: Do we have the right supplies? What night is dance? Who’s going to drive her, and who’s going to stay home and bathe the baby? What time do we need to leave for school in the mornings? And why in the world can we never find matching socks?
But this fresh start also brings us deeper questions beyond the practical, everyday stuff of life. The start of a new school year can be a unique opportunity to ask important questions about our children’s discipleship. When we think about them in a healthy way, these questions aren’t burdens to carry alone; they can help us consider how our children are being formed and what they’re being formed into. More important than whether my daughter has her tap shoes on Thursday night is whether she loves and follows Jesus with her whole heart.
Here are three questions to consider as another school year begins.
Who Is My Child Becoming?
When we think about our kids, we often think about behavior and accomplishments: Are they making good choices? How are they doing in school? Are they successful? Because our culture trains us to measure growth by what we can see, we can bring that same instinct into child discipleship: Are we doing family devotionals enough? How often are we praying together? When did we last worship as a family?
Those are good questions. Rhythms like reading Scripture, praying, worshiping, gathering with the church and talking about Jesus are essential to discipling our kids. Scripture itself, especially Deuteronomy 6, shows us the importance of intentionally and repeatedly forming our kids in the ways of God.
But those rhythms aren’t the finish line. God uses them to accomplish something greater. We want more than kids who participate in family devotions; we want kids whose hearts and lives are increasingly shaped by Jesus.
Child discipleship invites us to ask a deeper question: Who is my kid becoming? Are they learning to love God and others? Are they recognizing their sin and need for grace? Are they learning to forgive? Are they rooting their identity in God rather than achievement, popularity or others’ opinions?
That’s ultimately what our rhythms are for. We read Scripture so our kids know and love God. We pray so they learn dependence on Him. We worship so their hearts are captured by Jesus and they can become His disciples.
What Is Shaping My Child?
Intentionally or not, every kid is being shaped and formed, and mindful parents recognize that reality. Kids are formed by the schools they sit in for hours each day, the shows they consume on the couch, the friends they spend time with, their phones and tablets and even by what their families celebrate, worry about, spend money on and give their time to. The reality is that every kid is being discipled. So parents are asking an important question: Who, and what, is discipling them?
One way to begin answering that question is simply to pay attention to what captures your kid’s wonder. Kids can become completely fascinated by something. It might be the newest “Paw Patrol” movie, a song they ask to hear every time they get in the car, a game they want to play again and again, or a book they insist you read until you can recite it without looking at the page. What captures a kid’s wonder often gives us a window into what is capturing their heart and shaping their imagination.
You can see it in their play, too. Give kids enough unstructured time and eventually the things filling their minds begin spilling onto the floor. With their toys, they start acting out scenes from movies they’ve watched, experiences they’ve had, conversations they’ve overheard or Bible stories they’ve learned. Because play is one of the primary languages of childhood, paying attention to how our kids play can give us clues about the stories, ideas, fears and hopes shaping them.
None of this means parents need to become suspicious of everything their kids enjoy. Formation is happening through ordinary, good gifts too: books, friendships, teachers, music, sports, church, family traditions and countless other experiences. The invitation is simply to pay attention. What has my kid’s attention? What captures their imagination? What stories are teaching them what the good life looks like? What are they learning about what makes someone valuable, smart, successful, beautiful or worthy of love?
As a new school year begins, parents don’t need to panic about every influence in their kid’s life. But we should be curious. If every kid is becoming somebody, it’s worth paying attention to what is helping shape who they’re becoming.
Does My Child Know That Following Jesus Happens Outside the Church?
For many kids, faith in Jesus can easily become something that primarily happens at church. We sing about Jesus at church. We hear Bible stories at church. We pray at church. We talk about God at church. These rhythms of gathering with God’s people are essential to the Christian life, but effective child discipleship helps kids see that following Jesus doesn’t end when they walk out the church doors. Following Jesus should happen in everyday life.
Following Jesus occurs at the breakfast table and in the car on the way to school. It happens after a soccer game when your kid is processing a tough loss. It happens during conflict with a sibling over a toy, when the shadow on the wall feels scary at bedtime or when a beautiful butterfly causes everyone to stop and soak it all in. These ordinary moments give us chances to help our kids see that Jesus isn’t just part of one morning of their week but that He is Lord over every part of their lives.
This doesn’t mean parents need to turn every moment into a sermon. Your kid doesn’t need a three-point theological lesson every time they lose a soccer game or see a butterfly. It does, however, mean learning to recognize the everyday moments of life as opportunities for discipleship. We can wonder at what God has made. We can pray when we’re afraid. We can ask for forgiveness when we’ve sinned. We can thank God for good gifts. We can remember the Gospel when we fail. We can talk about what it looks like to love our neighbor when a friendship is difficult.
Of course, the scheduled rhythms of family discipleship are valuable, but they were never meant to contain our discipleship. Opening the Bible together, praying as a family, worshiping together and gathering with the church give our kids a foundation for understanding the God they are learning to follow in all of life. Those rhythms give us language and truth that can then spill over into Tuesday breakfast, Wednesday afternoon practice and Friday bedtime.
Perhaps one of the most powerful ways our kids learn that following Jesus happens outside the church is by watching us. They need more than parents who take them to church; they need to see what it looks like when their parents follow Jesus at home. Do they see us turn to God when we’re anxious? Do they hear us confess when we’re wrong? Do they watch us forgive, serve, pray, open Scripture, show generosity and make decisions because we belong to Jesus?
Every kid is being shaped. Every kid is becoming somebody. And every kid is being invited to follow Jesus, not only within the walls of the church but in the everyday moments of life. As a new school year begins, parents are asking plenty of practical questions about schedules, teachers, activities and routines. But underneath those are even more important discipleship questions: Who is my kid becoming? What is shaping them? Do they see me following Jesus?
These are questions worth asking, not just at the start of a new year but all year long.
