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She came into my bedroom with a serious look on her face. As a dad of four daughters, I’ve seen that look plenty of times on many faces. And when it spreads over a 12-year-old girl’s countenance, it usually means one of the following:
- A long conversation about friend drama at school.
- A long conversation about sibling drama at home.
- A long conversation (notice a trend here?) about anything in life that she deems dumb, annoying, unfair, terrible, horrible, lame or just plain “awk.” (For those yet to be initiated into the magical world of adolescent slang, that’s short for “awkward.”)
In this moment, several years ago, I figured she was going to tell me that the mean girl in science class made a face at her, or that one of her older sisters called her a baby, or that a stain on her favorite pair of jean shorts wouldn’t come out — you know, the life-shattering stuff of adolescence. Instead, she rocked my world with a Battle for Britain-sized bombshell:
- “I don’t want to go to church anymore.”
- “I don’t know what I believe.”
- “I don’t know what to think about God.”
- “I’m not sure if Christianity is true.”
- “I want to explore other religions.”
- “Why can’t Buddhists and Muslims be right, too?”
- “Can we pleeeeeeease get a dog?”
(Okay, she didn’t say that last one. But I’ve heard it plenty!)
She even told me she wanted to stop doing our nightly Bible reading and prayer time together — something I had done with all my girls since they were toddlers.
I was crushed. I don’t remember exactly what I said in response. But I did know that leading her in a responsive reading of Genesis 1–3 at that moment probably wasn’t the best option. I also knew it was important to listen carefully to her and try to understand what was going on in her troubled heart. I also remember thinking, She’s watching your response, Cooley. Don’t blow it.
When Kids Go Searching for Answers
Have you experienced something similar with a kid in your ministry — or one of your own children? In a pluralistic society where absolute truth is ridiculed and universalism is praised, it’s likely you have … or soon will. So how do we talk to kids who are struggling with questions about faith? How do we have meaningful conversations about other religions? How do we talk to the next generation about the exclusive claims of Christianity in an inclusive society without timidity, apology or backpedaling?
It’s certainly not easy, but as parents and kids ministry leaders, this is what God calls us to. As Paul boldly declares in Romans 1:16, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.”
Here are some considerations as we help children distinguish between treacherous lies and saving truth.
Pray
This first step is the most important. We must ask God for His wisdom in what to say and for Him to open the child’s heart to His truth. We should be in prayer often for the kids in our care. And when one of them hits you out of the blue with a whopper of a question, leaving you no time to prep — like my daughter did to me — simply offer up a succinct, unspoken Lord, please help! like Nehemiah did in the presence of a mighty king (Nehemiah 2:4).
Listen
If prayer is 1A on the list of importance, listening is 1B. I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with my daughter that evening if I had interrupted her skepticisms with bold declarations and slam-dunk comebacks.
But truth be told, this is easier said than done. As Christians, we know the right answers for our kids! We know the only way, the truth and the life! Yet for the young seeker, our patient, listening ear is a must. Let the child talk. Let them question. And yes, even let them spurn what you hold sacred. Remember, they’re not attacking you personally. They’re in an early spiritual battle, wondering what to believe.
God is big enough to handle their queries and doubts. So we should be too. Give them the space to question, talk, rant, process and explore. “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). By doing this, you’ll show you are a safe space where they can process life’s big questions and not be cast aside.
Don’t Fear Falsehood
These conversations often can feel intimidating at first because, in reality, the skeptical child is questioning the faith we hold so dear. But as followers of the risen and reigning Lord Jesus Christ, we can remember that truth is on our side — and His truth always prevails. This doesn’t mean we try to “win the argument.” Rather, this assurance offers us confidence and peace that we can guide the child toward the spiritual wisdom — and indeed, salvation itself — that God has given to us.
When my daughter expressed curiosity about other religions, instead of castigating her and shutting down the conversation, I replied, “I have a couple books on world religion. Would you like to read through them together?” At her request, I also bought a six-volume book series of apologetics geared for young readers. I knew no other belief system could stand up to the truth of Scripture, but she had to discover that for herself, at her own pace.
We read those apologetics books together until she lost interest. She was still searching, unconvinced about what she had heard her whole life. I was disappointed, but I kept praying. We discussed the general beliefs of other religions. “But all religions can’t be correct,” I told her, “because they all talk about very different end goals (heaven, salvation, enlightenment, etc.) and very different ways to get there. So if there is a God, there must be absolute truth — one way to Him — because a God worth worshiping cannot contradict Himself.”
So we compared the beliefs and claims of the world’s major religions to Christianity. “Religion,” I said, “is humanity’s way of trying to reach God through its own merits. But the Bible reveals something much different — a loving God reaching down to helpless sinners like us through Christ, graciously doing what we could never do on our own.”
Lean on Scripture
As we navigated this tricky period, I knew that only Scripture, and not my well-crafted arguments, could address her doubts and prompt faith. If we enter these conversations with the mindset of a defense attorney, ready to verbally destroy opposing arguments in a heated tit-for-tat, we will likely fail. Very few of us, at any age, respond well to that.
God is not our client. He doesn’t need defending. He is eternal, unbound by human limitations. His timeless Word (Matthew 24:35) stands as ultimate truth, with or without our help. Only Scripture, and not our persuasive oratory skills, can change a heart. As Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” So I read verses such as John 14:6 and Acts 4:12 to my daughter and gently challenged her to consider their claims. I didn’t beat her over the head with a Bible, but I also didn’t shy away from sharing Gospel truth with her.
Do Your Homework
Do you know who Muhammad is and what he taught? Do you know the differences between Allah of Islam and the God of the Bible? Do you know what nirvana is or what a Buddhist thinks this life is all about? Do you know the beliefs of modern-day Judaism, or what Mormons think about Jesus, or what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe about the Trinity?
The amount of differing religious ideas in the world today is staggering! We can’t know it all. But as you anticipate these conversations with kids, it helps to know what other religions claim and why they ultimately don’t stack up. So learn about what is competing for the next generation’s minds and hearts.
In 2 Corinthians 2:11, Paul wrote about not being “outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.” Likewise, we as disciplemakers must be aware of the wolfish lies and falsehoods cleverly cloaked in sheep’s clothing that are rampant today. If you don’t believe kids are being infused with a constant IV drip of falsehoods, just watch any Star Wars movie and count the number of subtle (and overt) New Age messages!
And if a kid asks a question you don’t know the answer to, it’s okay to say, “You know what? I’m not sure. But let’s find out together.” Then keep your promise and journey with them to discovery.
Keep Praying!
Prayer bookends our conversation here because it’s that important. In many ways, I felt utterly helpless during this period with my daughter. But I knew the One who could help. So I cried out to Him often.
The next human to regenerate another person’s heart and change their eternal fate will be the first. Spiritual understanding, the stirring of faith, and justification are God’s responsibilities, not ours. He alone has the keys to the human heart. Our job is to faithfully and winsomely (Colossians 4:6) proclaim His truth — and pray.
So approach God’s throne of grace often for the questioning child. Ask Him to give you wisdom, words and opportunity. Cry out to the God who created this child, that He would open the floodgates of His mercy, grace and Spirit-led illumination on them. Remember, while your love for them is great, He loves them infinitely more.
Even when my daughter was stiff-arming nightly devotional time with me, I still managed to sneak in some prayers in her presence! As I rubbed her back and tucked her in at night (which she still wanted me to do), I would often quickly pray something like, “Lord, thank you for [my daughter]. Thank you for loving her so much. Thank you for giving her the gift of your Son. We praise you for your goodness to us. Amen.”
As I prayed to God, I wasn’t talking directly to my daughter … and yet I was. She never said anything. But she also never objected.
God’s Invisible Work
Almost two years went by. Then one evening, my daughter approached me out of the blue with a totally different demeanor. “Dad,” she said quietly, “do you think we could start reading the Bible and praying together again?”
I almost cried. I wanted to break out in rapturous song or dance an Irish jig or something. Thankfully, I didn’t. Instead, I smiled and said, “Sweetie, I would love to.” We’ve been enjoying quiet times together ever since. Not every night. Not perfectly. But beautifully and meaningfully.
Throughout this experience, I have a deeper appreciation for Jesus’ remarkable words in John 3:8 about the mysterious, regenerating work of God’s Spirit: “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” God’s Spirit is the one — the only One — who can work miracles in the heart of a skeptical child grasping for answers. Our responsibility is to point them to the truth — gently, patiently and faithfully — and let the gracious wind of heaven do its transforming work.
Heavenly Father, please do a mighty work in the hearts of our children! Amen.
