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Besides family, nothing will shape the life of your child like their friends. And we see an important principle about friendship in Proverbs 13:20. The Message translates the verse this way: Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.
In Don Quixote, 17th century Spanish novelist Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra explains the same sentiment this way: “Tell me what company thou keepest, and I’ll tell thee what thou art.”1 In modern times, we might say it like this: “Show me your five closest friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
You get the picture. Friendships matter, and this isn’t a new concern. As a parent, who your kids hang out with will shape them in profound, everyday ways, including the music they listen to, the places they hang out, the sports they play and even the careers they choose.
The way we guide our kids when they are young has significant influence on the kind of people they see as good friends. We can’t fully control whom our kids will become friends with, but it is also not something we leave to the whims of adolescence.
How you as a parent model friendship in your own relationships will provide for them a sort of typographical map that details the imperfect and complex nature of friendship in a broken world. They will see how to walk through difficulty with grace and how to cover a multitude of sins in forgiveness.
This may feel like a lot of pressure. Because if we are honest, we are not always good friends. We haven’t always picked the best people to hang out with. We may be struggling to find good friends ourselves.
This is why we must find everything we are looking for in a friend, first and finally, in Christ. When we teach our kids this truth and model it in our lives, our kids may struggle in their friendships from time to time, but they will always remember that they are never alone. Author and pastor Tim Keller says this profound truth about friendship:
Make Jesus the friend your heart desires, and you will have all the friends your heart needs.2
May we as parents never shy away from proclaiming to our kids the eternal friendship that has been offered to us in Christ. He who was rich made Himself poor that we in Him might have everything we could never earn. Forgiveness, eternal joy and endless love are all gifts from Christ that we will enjoy forever in Him.
A few ways to shape the friendships of your children
- Model healthy friendship in your life.
- Serve as a school field trip chaperone. You will see which children would be good friends for your child and which ones wouldn’t.
- Invite to your house families who have kids you believe may be a good friend to your child.
- Keep them involved in the age-appropriate activities at church.
- Pray for friends for them.
A prayer for your child’s first week back at school
God of all grace,
would You provide what we cannot create?
This day, this month, this year,
would You provide friends for my child who
love You first and others second?
God of all joy,
would You instill what we cannot fake?
May the friends we meet be marked
by happiness that is eternal,
manifesting as everyday joy
and growing day by day.
God of all love,
You were a friend to us
when we were far from You.
You model love to others
that is best seen in You.
Lord, help us to pursue Jesus
as the friend our hearts want
so that in Him we will have
all the friends our hearts need.
Amen.
1. Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote, trans. Peter Motteux, part 2, chapter 23.
2. Timothy J. Keller, “Friendship,” sermon, Redeemer Presbyterian Church, New York, May 29, 2005, in The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive (New York: Redeemer Presbyterian Church, 2013), Logos Bible Software.
